Pedestrian Overlay Blues: I'm on the pavement, Thinking 'bout the government

Dependable Tire at 2604 Lyndale Ave. S. in 1961--Hennepin County Library Collection

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself"― Andy Warhol

The 2016 election is over. Those who followed it are exhausted, dismayed, bummed, whatever. During the bruising campaign, many people, including myself, were only half-heartedly following what has been going on down at Minneapolis City Hall. But while we were distracted, much has been happening down there that needs our attention.

Council Chambers at Minneapolis City Hall

First and foremost, citizen input is being shut down at an alarming rate. Gone are the days of developers taking proposals to neighborhood groups for lengthy discussion (for example, the months of ongoing debate about the demolition of the Orth House for Motiv Apartments). Instead, developers go directly to City Planning, the Planning Commission, and City Zoning and Planning Committee, and have their proposals rubber-stamped virtually without public comment. Then the proposal is put on the consent agenda, the Council votes on it without a public hearing, and voila, done and done! Slick.


Take, for instance, the so-called "Hennepin Lyndale Nicollet PO (Pedestrian Overlay) Study," introduced by the City at a quiet "kickoff" on June 1, 2016. (Read the details of this proposal on the City web site here.). This proposed zoning change is very complex and has many parts. Although it's called a "study", it's not; no official studies of related issues were done. In addition, the word "pedestrian" is misleading because the zoning changes relate to future development on these streets, not pedestrian issues. The Planning Commission did hold a public hearing, but during the day when most people are working. At the hearing the PC spent so much time on another  agenda item proposed by the PC  itself that they had little time for discussion about the PO "Study". The commission refused to hold an additional public hearing and placed it on the consent agenda at City Zoning and Planning. Done and done.

Most people would rather have their eye poked with a stick than have to read and digest all of the details posted on the website. So here it is in a nutshell: The PO zoning proposal represents the City's ongoing campaign to facilitate new developments on these commercial streets, on Lyndale Avenue in particular. Cars are out. Goodbye parking spaces, car-related businesses, and drive-through facilities. Hello, even more parking nightmares inside the neighborhood. Green spaces are out; pavement is in. Small businesses in small buildings are out; commercial rentals in large buildings hastily and cheaply built, of similar uninspired design, all with the same setback are in. Goodbye, houses and small commercial buildings. Hello, new four-story and some six-story commercial buildings.

Existing car-related business will stay, but they will not be allowed to change anything on their sites. Same for fast-food outlets of all stripe, even hipster favorites like Chipotle. (Is the City frustrated and angry that the 1980's McDonald's at Hennepin and Lagoon is hogging a prime development site with its big parking lot and drive-through? If only they could get around the grandfathering protections!)

Looking out on Lagoon from inside the Uptown McDonald's

Some people might find this vision of big, new developments on Lyndale Avenue appealing, but that's beside the point. The big problem is that the City is promoting and rushing through this major change with no regard for critically important related issues. No research has been done on the impact of this zoning change on the environment, traffic flow, affordable rents, water drainage, area small businesses, and property taxes. At stake are so many quality of life issues for the adjoining neighborhoods, the Wedge in particular. To make matters worse, if passed, this PO cannot be challenged by an appeal because it will then be part of the zoning code, a City sacred cow.

 Forgive me if this sounds cynical, but my perception is that if you write comments--comments critical of City planning and development proposals, they more than likely go directly into the virtual wastebasket at City Hall. If some criticisms are too hot to ignore, a city planner is given the task of plannersplaining the justification to an unenlightened public. If there is a public hearing, some CMs, notably CM Lisa Bender, chair of Z&P, make their contempt for citizens known by looking at the cell phones in their laps throughout public testimony. It's no wonder people give up on citizen participation.

Northeast corner, Lake and Lyndale, 1974--Minnesota Historical Society

Want change? There will always be change. The important thing is who manages, controls, and benefits from the changes. The future is very uncertain for the nation, state, and our city. Power-drunk, development-happy City officials are making Minneapolis less liveable by the month, especially for people of modest and limited means--which means most of us. Banks, developers, and real estate brokers and speculators are the ones benefiting from these changes, not homeowners and small business owners and landlords.

Prepare yourself for the upcoming city and state election campaigns. Decide what you want your community to look like five years from now. And, please, don't say you're moving to Canada. Trust me, they don't want you.

Minneapolis, love it and stay here.

Reurbanism. Saving places. National Trust for Historic Preservation

Zoned Out in Gopher City

Last week I had the pleasure of attending a conference on “Building the Urban Utopia: A Blueprint for the Competitive Global City.” The featured speakers were part of a contingent from Gopher City, MN:  Phillip Space, internationally renowned architect and author of “Den$ity for Dummies,” Gopher City Council Member Malcolm “Mal” Feasants, and city planner Uriah Heep IV.

MAL FEASANTS: I’m delighted to be invited to speak on the wonders of the high-density urban neighborhoods we’re rebuilding in Gopher City. The first step in this process is clearing old buildings, old people, bellyaching minorities, and the financially disadvantaged out of these neighborhoods to make way for new mixed-use commercial buildings and high density housing. It’s easy to do--We just ignore or crush any obstacle that gets in our way, like zoning ordinances or small-area plans. If a developer needs a variance or a zoning change for a new project, we just do it. That’s the beauty of being the government. As chair of the Gopher City Zoning and Planning Committee, I control what goes down and what goes up. The voters gave us a mandate, and we’re doing what’s good for them--even if some of them don’t appreciate it.

URIAH HEEP IV [M.A.,Ph.D. Stalinist Planning and Architecture]: The Gopher City Planning Department is proud to be part of the private-public partnership. We are pleased to assist any and all new development by providing the rationale needed to argue for bypassing regulations. We’re the go-to agency for developers. Who knows the city and its buildings better than we do? Who knows better how to spin the rhetoric, using all the buzzwords: “green”, “transportation nodes”, “bike-friendly”, “affordable”, and so forth? 

 The Chinese know how to do high-density development. Complete government control, planner paradise.“Harmonious Society! Long Live the People!”

PHILLIP SPACE [A.I.A., S.O.B.] May I take a moment to brag about a new project I’m designing, a six-story hotel that developer Hy Density has proposed for Gopher City’s Ro-dense Zone? It’s cheap, it’s right on the bus line, it’s easily accessible to downtown. Who cares if the current zoning doesn’t allow a hotel next to two-story-family housing? Who cares if it doesn’t suit the Ro-dense Zone small-area plan? Who cares if building it requires a conditional use permit and a floor area ratio variance? it’s what the City needs, and Mal, here, knows how to get past these pesky ordinances and get the thing built. We’ll put a bike rack for guests by the lobby entrance. No need for parking spaces. Cars are so 20th-century.

 MAL FEASANTS: One important undertaking we GC CM’s are working on is eliminating every way that citizens can comment on projects. We’re cutting out citizen review boards that allow residents free rein to bitch about what the City is doing or not doing. We still have tiresome hearings which can’t be scrapped--yet. BOR-ING. I would go out of my mind if I didn’t have my smart phone in my lap so I can tweet and look at Facebook posts while these old NIMBYs are cranking away. When they won’t shut up, I just cut the mic. The new Gopher City, love it or leave it. 

Gopher City Council Members at public hearing.

It's essential that we rid our cities of these old knee-jerk jerks who don't appreciate the Brave New World we're fashioning in the old neighborhoods. The time of these superannuated losers has passed and so should they. The new neighborhood belongs to the developers and the young and hip. If someone isn't fit enough to ride a bike or walk to a bus stop, they should be harassed into going somewhere else to die. 

PHILLIP SPACE: Hear, hear, Mal. That reminds me. I must tell you about a brilliant scheme my firm has developed to deal with both senile senior undesirables and our supporters who can't afford the rents in the new buildings. Let me announce the latest in minimalist urban pads: Troll Holes. These young male internet trolls don't have jobs, don't have friends, and don't have lives, so they don't need all the amenities required of hipsterdom. They live online. So we've designed small, windowless one-room underground units with high-speed internet access, so they can spend all their time launching anonymous attacks on the recalcitrant NIMBYs who are such a thorn in the side of the City and developers. The City can subsidize  rents in these Holes, for these young wits are providing an important service to local government. 

We've already cleared the neighborhood of annoying minorities who are always protesting for some lame reason or the other. In the big scheme of building the great metropolis, their lives certainly don't matter. And the poor? They're already on the streets or out in suburban ghettoes. Everyone else can pay up or move out.

 A-hole online in a Troll Hole

URIAH HEEP IV: Great plan, Phil! Now, I’d like to congratulate Minneapolis on the fine job the government has done in converting antiquated cow-town Uptown into a wonder of urban planning. Uptown is very much like our awesomely hip Ro-dense Zone. Thirty years ago we threw out all the bozo small businesses there.  We used tax increment financing and got subsidies by selling the Feds on how the area was blighted. Man, what suckers! It’s taken 30 years, but now we have exactly what we wanted: a place for hipsters, yuppies, bros and suburbanites to party till they puke.

PHILLIP SPACE: Well, friends, it's been fun, but we gotta run. I need to check out several building sites to be bulldozed, and I trust that Mal and Uriah here will keep up the good work running interference for us architects and our developer employers. [Applause]  And remember, as a famous German once said, "The victor will never be asked if he told the truth."

                 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
                                             Praise be to Nero's Neptune.
                                             The Titanic sails at dawn.
                                              Everybody's shouting,
                                              'Which side are you on?'
                                                      --Bob Dylan, "Desolation Row"  1965

                                                   
                             With a tip of the hat to Harry Sinclair Lewis of Gopher Prairie, MN.                                                   

--T.B.